Relax and Get Out of Your Own Way: What Karate Teaches Us About Parenting

Miki Lawrence
Aug 25
2 min read

At Life Skills Karate, we often say that “trying too hard” can actually hold you back. That may sound strange in a world that celebrates hustle and intensity — but in both martial arts and parenting, learning how to relax and get out of your own way is a game changer.

The Karate Connection: Power Comes from Relaxation

When a student is learning a new move, whether it’s a kick, block, or self-defense combo, the natural tendency is to tense up and try to "muscle" through it. You want to get it right. You want to impress your teacher. You want it to feel smooth and powerful.

But ironically, the more you force it, the clunkier it becomes.

Why? Because tension slows down movement. It blocks the body’s natural flow. Real power in martial arts comes from staying loose, breathing deeply, and letting your body move with rhythm and timing. You have to relax to get fast, powerful, and accurate. You have to allow the technique to reveal itself through repetition — not demand it show up perfectly on day one. Sound familiar?

The Parenting Parallel: Stop Forcing, Start Enforcing

This same principle shows up in parenting all the time. Imagine this:

You’ve asked your child to do their chores. They resist. You feel your blood pressure rise. You repeat yourself. You raise your voice. You want to force the action:"Get in there and do it RIGHT NOW!"

But just like in karate, forcing creates resistance.

Instead, try this shift: replace forcing with enforcing.Lay out the expectations ahead of time. Make the consequences clear. Then when the moment comes, you don’t need to yell, threaten, or beg — you just follow through.

If the work gets done ➝ they get the fun that follows: screen time, video games, friend time, etc.
If the work doesn’t get done ➝ they miss out.

No drama. No big emotion. Just calm enforcement of the plan.

Yes, it’s hard at first. You’ve got history. Old habits. Emotional patterns that come up automatically. But that’s where you get to practice your own version of karate — self-discipline, emotional control, and calm power.

Be the Leader Your Kids Can Mirror

Kids don’t just respond to what we say — they mirror how we are.

When we’re calm, consistent, and clear, they feel safer and more capable. When we’re tense, reactive, or scattered, they reflect that too.So whether you're on the mat or in the kitchen trying to get the dishes done, remember: you don’t have to force it — you just have to lead. And the more you practice calm leadership, the more natural it becomes.

Want to Learn More?

This kind of mindset is built into every class we teach at Life Skills Karate — for kids and adults. We don’t just teach punches and kicks. We teach tools that help students (and families) thrive.

🧡 If you want to see it in action, book a Free Intro Lesson for your child or yourself.You’ll get a hands-on experience of our Life Skills curriculum — including how to relax, reset, and lead with calm confidence.