Helping Kids Feel Seen and Valued—It’s More Similar Than You Think!

One of the most powerful needs we all have—kids and adults alike—is the desire to feel valued and appreciated. In the dojo, I see it every week. Kids light up when their efforts are noticed, whether it’s a new technique they’ve practiced or a craft they proudly show off. They’re saying, “Look at what I did! Do you see me?”

It’s easy for parents to miss how much this matters because, as adults, we’re often looking for appreciation too—but in different ways. You might feel valued when someone acknowledges how hard you work to pay the bills, prepare dinner, or keep the house running smoothly. It feels good when someone says, “Wow, I see how much effort you put into that.”

Kids have the exact same desire, but they express it differently. Whether it’s bringing home a drawing, showing off a collection of trinkets, or sharing a story they made up, they’re asking for that same acknowledgment. They want to know that what they do and who they are matters.

A Game Plan for Parents: Building a Strong Connection

1. Acknowledge the Effort, Not Just the OutcomeWhether it’s a piece of art or a new karate move, focus on the effort they put in. Try saying, “Wow, you must have worked really hard on this!” or “I can see you put a lot of thought into that!”

2. Celebrate Their Creativity and ExpressionHang their drawings on the fridge, wear a bracelet they made, or give them a high-five after showing a new move. These little actions speak volumes.

3. Model Appreciation for Everyday EffortsLet your child see you valuing your own efforts. Say things like, “I’m proud of how I got the house cleaned today!” or “I feel good about making a nice dinner for us.” This teaches them that everyone’s contributions matter.

4. Talk About How It Feels to Be Seen and ValuedShare with your child how good it feels when someone appreciates what you do. This helps them make the connection that valuing others is a two-way street.

   
   

Remember:

Kids want to feel like their contributions matter just as much as adults do. By taking a moment to see them, acknowledge their effort, and celebrate their creativity, you’re teaching them one of the most important life skills—how to value themselves and others.